We love our siblings to death, well more or less. Without them our childhood wouldn’t be as fun as it was. Having someone to talk to, play with and even fight is an unforgettable part of our memories. One day we’ll look back to all of those old days and feel nostalgia about our childhood.
A sibling
relationship is likely to be the most enduring of our lives. The impact they
have on our young and adult lives is enormous – they shape our history and our
character, to a far greater extent than is usually acknowledged. The book
Siblings In Development, edited by psychotherapists Vivienne Lewin and Belinda
Sharp, states ‘siblings are not just second editions in relation to the
parents, but have a profound importance in their own right. Relationships with
siblings are ineradicably fixed in our psyches.’
A study tracking almost 300 men from the late 1930s to the
present day has shed new light on the importance of the sibling bond. According
to the Harvard Study of Adult Development, 93 per cent of the men who were
thriving at 65 had been close to a sibling in their early life. The study also
reports that poorer relationships with siblings before the age of 20 could be a
predictor of depression later in life, suggesting that the longer we can
sustain close sibling relationships in adulthood, the more it can benefit and
protect us emotionally.
Classic sibling dynamics often depend on what position we
hold in the family. Elder children can often feel usurped when a younger one
comes along and these feelings of rivalry can last well into adulthood. Many
studies show that sisters tend to be closer to one another and that the worst
age for bickering – regardless of gender – is when the elder child is 13 and
the second-born is 10 years old. These dynamics are further complicated if
stepsiblings are involved.
‘Constant competition may well shape our life script,
leading us to filter every subsequent human interaction through the distorting
prism of our original relationship with our siblings,’ says Lloyd-Elliott.
‘We’re all immersed in the unique culture of our particular home situation.
Inevitably, any siblings who share that environment with us have an enormous
influence on our overall experience of the world and we carry this forwards,
often unconsciously, into our adult lives.’
In childhood it is often easier to express those negative
feelings, but as we grow older, we try to suppress unpleasant feelings such as
envy and anger. This is why so many siblings drift apart. ‘I was close to my
brother as a young girl, but when I was nine I was sent to boarding school while
he went to a day school,’ says Karen, 38. ‘I was so jealous of the fact that he
stayed at home, but I also felt guilty and found it easier to keep my distance
rather than admit this to him. It’s only now we’ve both got children that I
feel able to see more of him.’ Meanwhile her brother remains unaware of his
sister’s intense feelings.
Having siblings is a good thing. Well, not always.
Especially when you’re doing something important and your younger sibling
always ruins your plans… we’ve all been there. There’s new YouTuber called AJ Akoko who has been a
YouTube sensation so far. He has managed to get around 7k subscribers within a
month and thousands of views. In his video: “OLDER VS YOUNGER SIBLING” he
describes perfectly hwo it is do deal with a younger sibling. We invite you to
watch it yourself.
Follow
AJ on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aj_akoko/
